I miss…. something

Today by a random turn of events I was able to spend quality time with a very good friend of mine.  At first I panicked because my house wasn’t nearly as clean as I was hoping, but like a good friend does, she didn’t mind.

We talked.  We laughed….. and laughed….. and laughed….. and laughed some more.

She didn’t care about my dirty floors, my messy table or that there were dirty dishes that needed to be done.

All she and I cared about was catching up.

This was such a huge lift in my spirits.  I could finally relax.

If you have been reading recently (and really who has?), then you might get the sense that I’m having a difficult time right now.  I’m really not, its just that I’m missing my friends who simply “get me”.  I’m missing the joy that comes with friends who understand you better than you do in a way that’s different than your husband.

When you get married, things change.  That’s a fact.  It’s neither good nor bad, its just different, and that’s ok.  Your single friends don’t quite get it, and your married friends are too busy hanging with their hubby and children.  But sometimes you need to get with a girlfriend and let it all hang out.

Those are the times I miss the most.

And today I got a glimmer into the “old me” and I remembered that I really like her.

What sisterhood?

I have to be honest.  I’m really not enjoying being pregnant with roughly 2,398,578 other fabulous ladies. 

The thing is I’m WAY too competitive to be able to handle this very maturely.  I’m tired of comparing

  • how much weight we have gained or more importantly NOT gained
  • how we look in maternity wear
  • baby names and who has picked out a cuter name
  • how close one sibling will be to the newest baby in age and whose life will be more difficult

But it doesn’t end there folks.  I’m also tired of competing as a wife and SAHM.

  • who is cooking more
  • who is cooking better recipes
  • whose house is miraculously cleaner despite how many perfectly put together children they have
  • who is able to read their bible every day
  • who is the better hostess
  • who is able to keep up with their perfect hobbies and do all of their chores
  • who is able to go to the gym everyday and maintain a great figure

Honestly I just simply feel as though I’m having a difficult time “catching up”.  I don’t have it all together.  I don’t have the dishes cleaned everyday.  In fact I truly adore my husband when he does it for me even though I had plenty of time to do it.  I don’t always eat what’s right for me.  I don’t always want to cook.  Actually, I almost NEVER want to cook.  I don’t always spend time in the Word because there is just too much to accomplish and yet I kick myself because I didn’t get everything done.

I am NOT A STEPFORD WIFE. 

There I said it.  I have flaws.  Many flaws in fact.  And I hate feeling like they are on display EVERY DAY.  Left to my own devices I wouldn’t feel so bad.  But there are far greater women in my little world who remind me constantly to raise the bar that already feels so heavy. 

So ladies, stop being so great ok?  You know, just for a week month or so, just so I can catch my breath.

24 weeks

Went to the doctor today for a regular baby checkup.  All is well!

Size:  Approximately the size of a Papya

Heartbeat:  148 beats strong
How I’m feeling:  Besides having a cold, I’m definitely feeling better than last pregnancy, but again I think its because I’m striving to work out more.  Of course not this week since I’ve been sick.  I also don’t really remember that I am pregnant.  Weird?  The time that I do is when I sit down to eat and need a tv tray and napkin that covers the front of me because I can’t successfully be a clean eater with out it due to my growing belly.
How much weight I’m gaining:  HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!  LIKE I WOULD SHARE THAT!  All I will say however is that I’m doing MUCH better than last pregnancy.  And although my spandex-wearing-bike-riding doctor did say “oh ____ lbs gained?  I’ll take it” today, which seems good, I’m not so convinced.  I know he is a bit mindful of how much weight I am gaining, because lets face it, I NEED to NOT gain a lot of weight.  I didn’t lose any from last time, so I have to be on top of my game this time.  So I decided that I will track how much I’m eating through a Weight Watchers program.  No no no.  Don’t worry, I’m not dieting, just putting myself in check.
Gender:  Still currently in a sealed envelope tacked to my white board.  Unknown.  Although Jeff and I are both hoping for another GIRL.  But we will certainly love and cherish this baby no matter what.
Names:  There has been a girl name that we have been discussing since we first found out we were pregnant.  I like the long version, he likes the short nickname of it.  After a while we took it off the table.  Just the other night, I heard him say “ok, ok, I think I concede.  (if its a girl) We can put ___________ back on the table”.  This is HUGE.  Mostly because we can’t think of ANY other names.  Seriously, we are ridiculous.  And we don’t have any names for boys either.  I think its a mental block.