New Year New Beginnings

Today is the start of the new year.  No big surprises that many people are resolving to implement new and life changing goals into their lives with this fresh start.  I’m no different.  Although I don’t usually have new years resolutions, I have decided to change my outlook on them due to some re-evaluation.

You see, for the past several months my family has had some turmoil.  Not me and my Music Man or our children mind you.  But family is family and sometimes their drama leaks onto your own messy life and somehow you have to find enough paper towels to clean up everybody’s mess, or at least enough to make sure that your own hands get clean.  And in dealing with the sticky affair of other people’s sorrow, I have been unable to concentrate or fully be present in my own life.  Some of this is a natural reaction, but some of it is not.  I want to change that.

So here is a few thoughts I have for myself for this coming year.

1.  Do less.  Have less.  Acquire less.

I have realized that I busy myself so much that I don’t seem to have the time or energy to really be present with my most important life work; my kids.  Often I find myself impatient or tired or an attitude of “please leave me alone” when I’m around these precious little ones.  Granted, its normal and probably understandable that I might have these feelings, however I realize that I have had a part in my own grumpy attitude and needing to acquire more me time.  I feel that if I can cut back on things, and more importantly the necessary bit of taking care of said things, then I would have more time and energy to spend quality time with my kids.  Read to them.  Play games with them.  Go on a walk with them.  Bake cookies with them.  Whatever.  Frankly it doesn’t matter.  Although I’m a SAHM, I still feel like I miss it all.  I’m too busy with cleaning, cooking, laundry, etc.  I’m drowning in all the stuff that doesn’t matter.

2.  Leave the drama for my momma

I’m a feeler.  I always have been.  I have a Bachelor’s degree in counseling.  I’m an actor.  I was an only child who spent her childhood very lonely and earned myself a very active imagination.  Feeling is like breathing.  Sometimes these traits are a blessing, and sometimes its a detriment to my soul.  After a life changing year of being an RA in college, I realized that I couldn’t be counselor.  Why?  Because I would take home every sad, depressing, and heartfelt story and it would fester within me till it leaked out of my pores.  I can not carry the weight of every one else’s problems.  This doesn’t mean that I don’t care.  On the contrary.  It means I care too much.  And since I can’t change this about me more than I can change my skin color, I’ll just eliminate drama as much as I can.  If I can’t, I’ll simply turn my heart head away and focus on what’s important for me and my family.  God, husband, children… the good stuff.

3.  Less Facebook/Internet

Coming to Minnesota has helped cure some of my laziness and tv addiction.  It helps when you just simply don’t have it.  However, I still find myself wasting a lot of precious time randomly scouring the internet for goodness knows what.  My face is in my phone while my kids are tugging on my pants desperately trying to get my attention.  I need to scale down my distractions, and this is a big one for me.

4.  Make time for quality not quantity relationships

Living in 2 places sounds like an adventure.  And it is.  However, I have felt that instead of being connected and enveloped into 2 places, often times it feels like I am disconnected from 2 places.  Connections and friendships are harder to maintain.  I often wonder if I have friends at all most days.  Sure, some of that comes with the stage that many of my peers are in with work, family, and school keeping us all busy.  Its natural.  But it’s still difficult.  So for this next year, I’m going to keep my relationships simple.  Quality over quantity.

Seeing a theme here?  I’m aiming at a more minimalistic way of life.  If that is even possible with 4 kids and husband!

2015 mantra… LESS IS MORE.

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