So here I am nearing the end of my pregnancy and I have been dealing with many emotional rollercoasters.
Since this is my second pregnancy, I’m really mourning the fact that it won’t be just me and Bradyn anymore. I mean this is my baby. My sweet little girl who I love to see her smile and hear her laugh. Once this new baby comes, our dynamic changes. I know it will be ok, but it still hurts. I never knew it could hurt this bad.
I’m really really really struggling with the fact that I may actually have *gasp* a boy. I know for many of you, that would be your preference or you can’t imagine what your life would be like without your sweet little son. But for me, whose sister tragically passed away too early in life and left me an only child, a sister is something that I yearn for to this day. I see other people who have sisters, especially ones they are close to and part of me weeps inside knowing I’ll never have that. I want that so desperately for my little girl. Even typing this out makes me want to cry, but considering my eyes still burn from crying earlier, I’m going to resist the hormonal urge and move on to my next rollercoaster.
Good news: Jeff got another job, which is fantastic. However, here’s the Bad News: This puts him about an hour and half away from me this week and possibly next. Um, don’t know if anybody realizes this but my due date is Jan. 25. People! That’s NEXT TUESDAY! Which realistically means I can GO INTO LABOR AT ANY TIME. So it sort of terrifies me that he will be stuck in traffic while I have to call someone to take me to the hospital while I have my baby without him. Now I highly doubt this scenario, BUT….. it could happen.
And this brings me to another pin in my side. I saw my doctor on Tuesday and he said that I was at station +1 and that I am so far from giving birth. This sent me into an emotional tailspin. Nobody wants to hear “Hey, you know how you have been mostly miserable in your own body for what seems like an eternity? Well hon, your going to have to endure it longer than you want to.” NOT what you want to hear. The upside is that Jeff and I have been able to conquer some of our long overdue house hold projects. Its always nice to get things done. Now if only I could have this pregnancy done…..
I apologize for the emo-ness of this post. I have a lot to be thankful for but I just can’t seem to get out of this funk. I have more issues that I’m struggling with, but I think I’ll leave that for another post.
I know I should focus on this new bundle of joy that I’m about to be given. I think it will really hit me once this new babycakes is placed in my awaiting arms.
I’m starting to REALLY notice the difference between this pregnancy and my pregnancy with Bradyn. In the beginning there was zero difference. This was great in my opinion. I felt pretty good, things were going well.
Then the third trimester hit. And all hell broke loose.
I have heartburn ALL.THE.DANG.TIME. The baby is constantly moving. Often times I’m like “honey do you ever sleep?” I have a burning sensation at the top of my stomach, most likely because of stretching. I’m just not comfortable.
Yes yes I know, I’m pregnant, and things aren’t always peachy keen.
Let’s be honest. Because things are so different, I’m totally paranoid about this baby being a boy. I desperately want Bradyn to have a sister. I have nothing against boys, don’t misunderstand. I would love to have a boy…. the next pregnancy.
Have any of your pregnancies been totally different and did that mean they were different genders or just different personalities?
Went to the doctor today for a regular baby checkup. All is well!
Size: Approximately the size of a Papya
Heartbeat: 148 beats strong
How I’m feeling: Besides having a cold, I’m definitely feeling better than last pregnancy, but again I think its because I’m striving to work out more. Of course not this week since I’ve been sick. I also don’t really remember that I am pregnant. Weird? The time that I do is when I sit down to eat and need a tv tray and napkin that covers the front of me because I can’t successfully be a clean eater with out it due to my growing belly.
How much weight I’m gaining: HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! LIKE I WOULD SHARE THAT! All I will say however is that I’m doing MUCH better than last pregnancy. And although my spandex-wearing-bike-riding doctor did say “oh ____ lbs gained? I’ll take it” today, which seems good, I’m not so convinced. I know he is a bit mindful of how much weight I am gaining, because lets face it, I NEED to NOT gain a lot of weight. I didn’t lose any from last time, so I have to be on top of my game this time. So I decided that I will track how much I’m eating through a Weight Watchers program. No no no. Don’t worry, I’m not dieting, just putting myself in check.
Gender: Still currently in a sealed envelope tacked to my white board. Unknown. Although Jeff and I are both hoping for another GIRL. But we will certainly love and cherish this baby no matter what.
Names: There has been a girl name that we have been discussing since we first found out we were pregnant. I like the long version, he likes the short nickname of it. After a while we took it off the table. Just the other night, I heard him say “ok, ok, I think I concede. (if its a girl) We can put ___________ back on the table”. This is HUGE. Mostly because we can’t think of ANY other names. Seriously, we are ridiculous. And we don’t have any names for boys either. I think its a mental block.
23 weeks pregnant.
Where in the world has the time gone?! Summer just FLEW by! There have been numerous birthday parties, a trip to visit Bradyn’s paternal grandparents, and just general chaoticness. No that’s not a word, but it really should be.
Here are the things that I have become obsessed about.
Double strollers. Anybody notice how many dang choices there are? I’m definitely leaning towards a side by side, but I want to be able to use it for shopping, but ease of use trumps that I think. Plus, those prices… gasp. Out.of.control.
Cloth Diapers. Yah, yah, yah, I know. I’m really not a hippy-granola-crunching-
pot hemp-brownie making momma, but it sure does seem like that. Well everything but the pot. NO drugs people! Just say NO! lol I’m not trying to save the planet, although that’s nice. I’m not trying to save cash, although I really should. The real reason that I might become a convert is poor Bradyn’s bum gets diaper rash like THAT. We are currently using a brand name that has gotten some bad press about the chemicals that they use to make sure that they stay dry. So I think we are going to try a couple of trials including ones from Jillian’s Drawers and Kelly’s Closet.
There are a couple that don’t come in either package but that I want to try like GDiapers and Softbums.
My husband isn’t convinced yet. He still remembers cleaning his sisters cloth diapers in buckets and specifically how GROSS it was. But these are your momma’s cloth diapers, so we’ll see.
Organizing the house. Specifically my closets. Have you ever seen the show Clean House on Style Network? Well basically they take nice hoarders and take all of their junk, put it in a yard sale and then decorate their home with the money they earned. The most awesome part of the show are the new closets. They are gorgeous. All the closets are from The Container Store. Since my closets are atrocious, I decided that getting my closet organized should become top priority. They helped design it and it will be installed later in October. I am seriously giddly thinking about how my shoes and purses will be displayed and used more often because I can finally see them.
Pregnancy Exercise dvd’s. This time I vowed I wouldn’t gain an excess amount of weight, especially since I really didn’t lose ANY weight after having Bradyn. I really couldn’t afford to gain any more than absolutely necessary. For those of you who might be concerned, don’t be. The baby is tracking a little bit bigger than average, so I think we are good, but thanks anyway. So I started working out with an awesome set of videos that I “stole” from BabySteals and have been hooked about how I have been feeling so much better. I can actually get up out of bed without my hips giving out on me every time. I have more energy thoughout the day. I generally have a better attitude. Weird.
Except that I would like to return to my pre-wedding figure please. Pretty please???